There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled…
You feel it, don’t you?
– Rumi
My mission is to bring my hands, my heart, and my curiosity out to play with yours. I join people on their journey as they reconnect with their Self and help them find their way to balanced, authentic relationships with others.
My vision is to foster growth and connection in ways that that honor individuals and build emotional intimacy in their current and future relationships.
“Approach everything with curiosity, not judgement.”
What is Surrogate Partner Therapy?
SPT is a type of relationship and intimacy work that supports a client who is already seeing a talk therapist. When someone reaches the point in their healing where talk therapy is no longer enough and they need a partner to practice with and learn from, but they aren’t in an intimate relationship, their therapist may bring in a Surrogate Partner to collaborate in a “triadic model” in service of the client’s goals.
In the triadic model of therapy, a client meets separately with their care team; sessions with the therapist for setting goals and processing what comes up, and sessions with the surrogate for exploring and practicing. Between client sessions, the surrogate and the therapist continue to collaborate in support of the client’s goals.
Since knowing how to do something is very different from experiencing it, working with a Surrogate Partner brings a somatic understanding of healing and growth that goes beyond talk therapy in order to work out the hows and whys of relationship intimacy. The relationship between client and surrogate is based on mutual trust and communication and creates a safe container for exploring together what healthy connection and genuine intimacy can look like.
What can this work do for me?
SPT is designed for unpartnered people who are struggling with shame, lack of experience, impacts of disability or neurodivergence, sexual ‘dysfunction’, performance anxiety, changes around sexual or gender identity, or a history of trauma. Through curiosity and openness, we explore your relationship to your Self and your body and the ways that shows up in your relationships with others. Some things will be challenging, some things will come smoothly, and all of it moves you closer to a more intimate and authentic Self while you unlearn what you’ve been told and discover new ways of creating and embodying intimacy.
The surrogate-client relationship is a safe and loving space for mindful work that builds skills for navigating real-life relationships in ways that honor your needs and potential. There are no wrong answers – just new questions to delve into. From our first hello to an eventual caring, respectful, intentional ending, we’ll walk together on your journey of healing and discovery.
SPT can also be for partnered people! If you and your partner (or partners) have sexuality or intimacy challenges that you’d like to approach as a team, I’d love to talk with you and your therapist(s) about how I can support you in your work toward your shared goals.
Is this type of therapy legal?
This is a great question. SPT is a therapeutic modality with specific goals and always practiced in collaboration with a referring clinician, not hiring someone for sex. The outdated term of “sex surrogate” is no longer in use because of its misleading implications of prostitution, allowing us to reframe the conversation around our modern focus on healing and growth. All practicing Surrogate Partners are required to be trained and certified through a recognized school to ensure that ethical and legal standards are maintained. My training and certification are through Surrogate Partner Collective.
It’s important to note that there are no laws against Surrogate Partner Therapy in any state in the US. In fact, in 1997 Vice President Kamala Harris, then the California State Attorney General, was asked about the legality of SPT. Her reply was “If it’s between consensual adults and referred by licensed therapists and doesn’t involve minors, then it’s not illegal.”
I see clients in the greater Seattle area, usually once per week for 2-3 hours per session, at $220 per hour. Insurance does not currently cover SPT, but I offer a sliding scale in some instances; please let me know if this will make the work more accessible to you. Multi-day intensives are available for clients in other areas of the US – just fill out my contact form and I’m happy to talk about me coming to you.
Additional Services
I also offer private in-person coaching for folx who aren’t working with a therapist but feel ready to build and practice skills for deepening their relationships to Self and others. Let’s work together on bringing curiosity and somatic awareness to your journey. $170 per hour. If video-call coaching works better for you, please message me and we can discuss.
Are you feeling “skin hunger”, that ache for human touch? Sometimes what we need most is just to be held. Platonic, clothes-on cuddling time is its own precious intimacy and I would love to share that with you. $120 per hour.
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
– Mary Oliver